Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
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Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
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When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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