i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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