The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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