Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
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