Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
