Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
sex in a hospital.. check
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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