Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
