Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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