I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
