Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
