dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
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