I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
