oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
