He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize