Will you blow on my dice?
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
