when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
