How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
it's like iHOP with fire
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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