He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
