I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
