The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Acid is not a monday night drug
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Damn victory sex feels great
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
