the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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