It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
