hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
