just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
