I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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