Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
