Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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