Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
