Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
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there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
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She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
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