he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Slut skills are useful in every country.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
