I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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