90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
