plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
We need to get me chipped asap
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
