you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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