Can i not drive my cunt home
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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