And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
