Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
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I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
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My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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