I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
