i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
