My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize