My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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