a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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