I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
