I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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