when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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