If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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