I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
