saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
