is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
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My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
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Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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