well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
