Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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