I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
