SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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