On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
