Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
