your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Soap is not a condiment
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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