you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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