You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
