I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize