i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
