Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
