Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
