You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
