Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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