At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
