Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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