Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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