I can't watch pbs sober anymore
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
