everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
