Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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