I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
