I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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